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| Friday, October 20th, 2006 | | 3:31 am |
Wow shit just sucks right now :-( im ending my relationship asap. ive had enough, its dead and needs to be ended. i know i was gonna end it about a month ago but we decided to work things out, although i worked out my end of the deal and what a suprise she did jack shit. also more thigns were added into the mix that i wont mention but they arent good. and last night i got told i was more like a big brother to her. nice kick to the throat that was. i get treated like shit when i treat her the complete opposite and yet im still holding on and i dont know why. im so attached its crazy, or atleast im told i just think i am. the worst part is i know if i were to end it she probably would barely be hurt by it, where as i would be hurt big time. why do i always end up getting screwed in the end with everything when i do nothing wrong! fuck this shit.im cursed wiht getting hurt. on a brighter note my lazy ass FINALLY STARTED SCHOOL!!! yeah im attending ptec for welding. it sucks ass being up at 6am to be at school at 7am monday-friday :-P but oh well its a career! so are they any cute/chill/down to earth/non crazy/non alcoholic/mature girls that know what they want out there? preferably closer to my age :-P which is 21....yeah figured not | | Monday, September 18th, 2006 | | 3:47 am |
So yeah, lately things feel like they have gone to shit. my relationship is falling apart and i dont know how much long i can keep doing this. everything changed, she changed.i care too much and she doesnt care enough. i feel like im invisible to her. like im just there, like she isnt all happy and excited to be with me like she used to be. im just not happy as much as i used to be. im becoming less and less happy. and i dont think this is going to last much longer. bout a week ago another guy came along and charmed her and i almost lost her. i almost got left for a 15 year old ghetto pot head kid. but she dropped him as far as i know..but everything is different now, i just constantly feel uneasy, im never fully comfortable. i feel like she is liking me less and less as time goes on. maybe its best if i just move on, everyone says dump her! you deserve better! and i think thats true. but theres this tiny bit of faith in me that says dont give up just yet, stay in there a little bit longer. its like im staying in it till its done and dead. she hurt me once..and i got a feeling im going to get hurt again..and alot worse.and im scared shitless. i dont think i can handle it..getting hurt again. its gonna just break me, emotionally im gonna break. but i dont know, so many things going through my head i dont know what to think. my health has been declining also, so my thinking isnt that great. i need to start eating, need to start getting sleep, need to stop smoking cigs. i just dont know right now. i just want to be truely happy again. its a rarity i always want to see but never do. as soon as i get a taste of it its gone. why cant i just be happy? why does everybody love to hurt me?all i want to do is be nice to them and make them happy. is there any girls out there that WONT break my fucking heart? its at its breaking point, and cant take much more. but i cant seem to find anybody that wants to be gentle to it. everyone wants to play catch with it and drop it in the end....i just dont know anymore.yet again im close to just giving up like i always do. Current Mood:  depressed | | Sunday, August 27th, 2006 | | 2:08 pm |
I cant go back to sleep. drank last night with jeana(gf) and wasnt the best bf and she ended up mad at me at the night of the night. and now she is mad at me again. why the fuck am i so sensitive?? i hate it, i take everything to heart. every little thing bothers me.and its the worst feeling in the world. i feel like im going to drive her away from me. i know im not perfect and its obvious but i need to work on my faults. i love this girl and dont want to lose her like i have every other girl, i cant let this one go. she means too much to me.i dont want to fuck this up.ive been trying so hard with her,ill be affectionate, give her lots of attention, comfort her and cheer her up whenever shes depressed,and just try to make her happy whenver i can, buy her food,movies, etc etc. drive her around everywhere, drive to bfe to see her even if its for a short time.im giving it my all with her, and sometimes i feel like im not doing enough.im just scared to lose her, not cause im just scared to be alone or whatever, but cause of my feelings towards her.its just sometimes i dont feel like she feels the same way back, she says she does and she tells me she loves me more and etc etc. but i just dont feel like she shows it ya know,yeah she does here and there but not like how i show it.its like she'll txt me saying how much she loves me and appreciates me and etc and then ill meet up with her like a couple hours later and she'll be distracted by something small and ill just be like invisible, or atleast i ffeel that way sometimes. youd just think that if somebody felt so strongly about you that they would be like all smiles when they see you and hug you tight an such. maybe she doesnt show her feelings as strongly as i do. either way im not giving up on this, im not gonna say fuck it and just walk away. im in this for the long run.ive dealt with her past, ive dealt with her imperfections, i dont do that for just anybody.and i havent had such strong feelings in such a short period of time for anybody else except my ex, i know its crazy cause its so soon but i just felt something with her when we first met, like it just clicked, that first kiss was like no other kiss ive ever had, it knocked the wind out of me, it was just like wow! i just feel right with her. i love her. Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: The Used- Cut up angels | | Thursday, April 6th, 2006 | | 3:17 am |
I seriously think im going to just dissapear from the public for awhile. i need some time to just get away and get shit straight with myself. i havent been myself lately. | | Saturday, October 22nd, 2005 | | 7:39 pm |
Good god i havent been on this site in forever!! well as usual. So hows everybody been? Updates anyone? dont feel like looking through pages and pages of entrys. im a lazy son of a bitch. | | Saturday, July 23rd, 2005 | | 3:45 am |
I feel like shit right now.depressed as fuck.Feel like just ignorning everybody and just sitting in my room for a week, no ims, no txting, no phone calls.I dont want to do anything for the next week except mess with my car and get it ready for the orlando meet where i can be happy.oh yeah, im done trying to find a decent girl, none exist except for 2.so im not dating for awhile, fuck it. | | Thursday, June 30th, 2005 | | 4:59 am |
Good god it feels like forever since ive written in this damn thing! i havent even looked at lj in so damn long its not even funny! Its weird writing in this for some reason. Well not alot has changed since last entry. No longer working at albertons and am now currently a cashier at sams club making more money getting more hours than albertons so im happy, my first damn paycheck was more than any paycheck i got at albertons in the 3 years i was there other than maybe like 3 checks haha. its not bad though, kinda easy, just gotta lift heavy stuff here and there, and it sucks being stuck in that one spot for hours on end..especially when you really have to pee, now thats fun. fo real it is, ive found out the fun way.Although i almost lost my job do to my constant as usual lateness. yeah, im smart like that.girl problems still continue! was seeing someone recently and it was going really good, i was happy, was next to impossible to contact her, and we talked/chilled maybe once a week but it was worth it seeing her. then she started avoiding me for about week and a half/2 weeks and then bam got a letter on myspace explaining why, not gonna say cause its the standard its not you its me cause i just got out a relationship and dont wanna hurt you complete bullshit excuse. found out over the weekend from a guy i just met she did the same thing to him pretty much, so aparetnly it was her. was kinda "seeing" someone i guess you could say before that, but thats a whole thing i wont go into cause its a bit personal for lj haha. but yeah, thats all for that one. just seems the only girls that go for me and are attracted to me fall into one or more of these groups-underage age,alcoholic,slore. Or maybe im just too picky. but yeah, ill always be single,thats just it is for me. yeah im lonely, and still get depressed here and there from it but oh well, im used to it by now. and dont wanna ramble on and get bashed on for being "emo" although i should say fuck you for bashing cause its my fucking journal and say whatever the hell i want, but i dont wanna bore you all.so changing the subject. car. still crappy? yep. still love it? oh yeah! now currently have working windshield wipers and as of a week ago, a working speedo. although since i dont have heat and have really bad out of whack unalligned headlights, driving in the rain is still a suicide mission and im lucky if i dont run into something.Also blew my motor about 2 months ago, and couldnt stop laughing.pretty much it was a bad motor to begin with and i babied the damn thing for 4/5 months and one night got into a couple of kinda sorta races/ messing around in traffic and was one of the first times i really ragged on the car and finally got it to run on 3 cylinders somehow at about 100mph on us 19 s, sounded like a damn oldschool vw and smoked like one too. luckily i had bought a parts car with my friend about a week befor that and got the motor out of it and it was sitting in my garage(hence the laughing cause i didnt care) so about 550 dollars later i had my other motor installed with only about mid 80,000 miles woot woot! ran like a fucking champ! just took me a cuple days to get used to the clutch cause it felt a little different. also got bored with the black rims and decided to do somethign different and chose to paint them red with a polished lip. well. ok. we and dizzle test painted one rim. and never finished. so i currently have 3 black rims....and 1 red. eh oh fucking well. so i got bored again with that and should be changing the paint within the next couple days hopefully and will post pics if i get off my lazy ass and paint them. and project:booooost! is almost complete. should be on before the end of july. just need 3 more parts, one of which i should hopefully be going to a&e and ordering which is a warlboro 255lhp fuel pump, then i need to send my other ecu off to get chipped and buy a conversion harness and by the time those get done and back to me i should get my next paycheck( in 2 weeks) in which i will have enough for install/piping made/tuning. And hopefully itll be running and brokin in by the end of the month so i can go to a huge integra car meet in orlando on the 30th.yes, i love cars, way too much, get over it! Oh yeah, and in case you didnt know, my birthday was on june 6th! so me=20 bitches!!! so send all your belated birthday cards and money asap, cause i could use the money. well alrighty its bed time, its 5:30 am. and i need sleep.See you all again in a couple months yo! Current Mood:  blahCurrent Music: Thursday | | Tuesday, May 17th, 2005 | | 3:39 pm |
Story Time!
Ok, so! Im at work yesterday at sams club and gerry, which is a nice older guy in his mid 50's i believe that works at sams club, comes up and talks to me like he normally does and has been doing since i worked at albertsons. Well he comes up to me and asks me when we are going to the beach. i was kinda confused at first and just said about how i need to go cause im so damn pale. then he starts talking about when he needs sun he lays out by his pool and about how i should come over sometime and we can lay out by his pool, and then later proceeded to give me his card with home and cell phone..about this time my head was going AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN AWAY!!!! so heres the question of the day..WHY DO OLD MEN HIT ON ME?!?!?!!?! In case you didnt know, this isnt the first time something like this has happened to me, ive been hit on by older men before and was even given a phone number once before and was told to call if i want to party.GAH!!!! I really need to stop being so nice and yeah, work is definetly going to be ackward now when i see gerry. I think im gonna tell him i was up late last night having lots of sex with my non existant gf and i was really tired and couldnt wake up intime to call him to hanag out and hope he gets the point. FUCKING A!!! well, thats the end of story time, hope you enjoyed it, cause i now i didnt!!! | | Sunday, May 15th, 2005 | | 3:56 am |
Woot Woot!!! My car is finally home and running the best its ever ran!! The guys who did the swap did a good ass job and did it the right way. I love my car so much more now, just need to fix the back left brake, wow i should take pictures of the brake pads, sooooooo bad. But first i have to go sleep and wake up in 4 and a half hours to be at a meeting at work at 9 am, then come home and pass the fuck out!! woo hoo at me being happy at my car! boo at work! | | Thursday, May 12th, 2005 | | 2:16 am |
The past couple days ive been thinking about a certain person that i really shouldnt be, but i cant help it. i dont know why i am, but i am. :-/ For the people that read this, this will make no sense but whatever, i needed to say that, although im not gonna say the persons name..and randomly hanging out with the person tonight made the situation that much wierder. cause they randomly popped up in my head and then they suddenly call me to hang out of nowhere. ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! | | Tuesday, May 10th, 2005 | | 11:12 pm |
| | Saturday, May 7th, 2005 | | 1:33 pm |
# of honda motors i've killed : 1. Guess its time to dip into the bank motor and swap in the new motor i just got that couldnt have come at a better time. So yeah, FUCK YOU ROD KNOCK!!!!!!!!! | | Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 | | 12:46 am |
Pulling a honda motor is the suck. And also, MOTOR MOUNTS SUCK MY ASS!! that is all for now. | | Thursday, April 28th, 2005 | | 4:36 pm |
I put in my 2 weeks notice today at albertsons. It feels good to finally be leavin there.But also nervous about starting a new job. Im also hopefully putting another motor in my car by this weekend, which is the biggest piece that i need to finish my turbo project. just need to really start putting money aside and in the bank. Also need to start saving money cause ive been thinkin lately about maybe going to spc after the summer. Idk though, im kinda scared to go.I did so horrible in high school i dont think i could make it there.But i want to actually do something with my life instead of just saying oh yeah ive been out of highschool for 2 years now and just work part time. fuck that. Hopefully everyhting comes together. | | Sunday, April 17th, 2005 | | 5:57 am |
I want to be 17 again damnit. *edit* Its because ill be 20 in less than 2 months and have wanted a gf for a little while now. but it seems like the all the girls that are close to my age i cant get, and all the girls that are cute and seem really cool and like me or something always turn out to be 15/16 and i want somebody close to my age cause i feel waaaay more comfortable that way. its just so aggravating and im tired of having this bad luck with girls. the one that i thought would break that curse i dont even talk to anymore cause she is extremely busy is hard to get ahold of, so i dont even want to bother with it and might as well give up. | | Thursday, April 7th, 2005 | | 3:02 am |
| | Monday, March 14th, 2005 | | 8:19 pm |
| | Sunday, March 6th, 2005 | | 4:08 am |
Go to a party, cops show up, get id checked, told i shouldnt drive cause i was stupid and said i had a ONE SIP of beer, drove anyways , mcdonalds, friends house to hang out for awhile, fight breaks out, gun gets pulled, cops show up, managed not to get involved with cops, mcdonalds parking lot again, home. wow tonight was fun night!!! and the best part is i got work in 4 and a half hours...go me!! | | Sunday, February 13th, 2005 | | 5:14 am |
MY CAR IS FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I CANT STOP SMILING!!!!!!!!! IM SO SO SO SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! ::HAPPY DANCE:: tomorrow we put the short shifter in and the new bushing and paint the valve cover and its fully dooooone!!! :-D :-D :-D :-D | | Saturday, February 12th, 2005 | | 4:06 am |
Just felt like posting some pictures that i liked that i took tonight of my car!! Picture of the napoleon dynamite sticker i have on my windshield, i have 2 other freinds with hondas that are gonna put different stickers on there cars from the movie.  Picture of my car that i liked, what it currently looks like at the moment haha.  |
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